Work

I had this one gentleman come in, he was homeless, came into the courthouse. He wore overalls. He had something in every pocket. He had a jean jacket with pockets—everything had pockets. Everything he owned was on him. He had a beard down to here, a walking stick. No hygiene, you know, he lived on the street. It was raining; it was wet. He smelled. You know, it was just horrible.  And the people I work with, some of the people were just like, “Oh, I can’t take this. I can’t do it.” Like, right in front of the person. And this is a human being. First of all, it’s embarrassing, and I remember I took the wand, and I was like, “Sir, come over here,” and I said, “Let me see your jacket.” I was going through his jacket. I’m going through all this stuff, and this is what he owned. It’s nothing to us, but this is what he owned—his possessions—and it meant stuff to him. So, I took it, and I put it in a little box, and I told him, “I’m putting everything in here. Here is a ticket for it.I promise you will get this back.” And I didn’t make a big deal out of it. He goes and does his whatever he had to do in court and about an hour later, he leaves. I give him his box and things. He comes back the next day.  Here’s this homeless guy, was living on the street, like not near the courthouse, I don’t know where it was in Worcester. He walked all the way back that day just to thank me for treating him like a human being. And I was like, "Why wouldn’t I?"

I would probably tell them to not be afraid to speak up whether it’s for yourself or someone else about an issue no matter what. And then also not to be afraid to take risks because I think a lot of—at least I feel like a lot of women are—we’re not risk takers. And I don’t know what it is, whether we are afraid to fail or we are afraid that we are not good enough. I’m not sure. But I don’t think you should be afraid to take a risk because even if you don’t succeed you’re learning something from it. And again, speaking up because I think that unless you can give yourself a voice, nobody else is going to give you one.

Again, nothing is permanent and you are responsible for your own happiness. So I have to focus on that and I can’t wallow in misery when I have two other people that I am responsible for, and I don’t want to be a poor role model for them. I don’t want them to see work is stressing my mom out, “Oh my god, I don’t want to get a job when I’m older.” Because I don’t want them to think that life is tough. I don’t want them to think I’m weak either. So that’s my biggest—it’s not the best thing in the world, but I try not to be emotionally upset around them, and they’re always around.

There's actually a quote that I love and I never get it quite right, but it’s something along the lines of,  "Life is the constant act of juggling balls. You just have to know which ones are glass." I think that is so beautifully said because my family is always that one I can't drop. But the other ones, sometimes it might be that I don’t get to pay attention to the Republican debate or I don’t get to go listen to this. It doesn’t mean that it’s not important, but it just, it didn’t rise to the top quickly enough.

I know so many people define success monetarily and if you reach a certain status. That isn’t my definition of success and it's interesting in this class [Zen class] the first day, the first class, this is one of the questions that we were to ponder for the Zen and what makes a successful day for you, what makes a good day and so I’ve been pondering the question. For me it is when I go home feeling good, when I know that I’ve made a difference.  It can be the smallest of interactions, but you know that interaction made a difference in someone’s life.  I would say that is my definition of success and being a good person, being proud of the decisions you’ve made and ethical stances you’ve taken, and so that’s how I would define it.  I feel like I’ve done that.  I’ve lived a good life and I’ve treated people well.